Hello guys! I hope you all are well and having a wonderful weekend!
I am very excited to announce a new series on this blog, and that series will be called Writing Updates! It’s pretty self-explanatory, but I’m going to explain some stuff anyway!
Writing Updates will be, well, updates on my writing! I have been working on writing a book since 2018, and I would like to take all of you on that journey with me! It’ll be a wild ride, so buckle your seatbelts!
I’ll let this be the first update, so let me take you to see my journey so far!
I have been writing pretty much my entire life. However, I never practiced as much as I know I should have. When I was young, like, just learning to write, I would write little random stories in my journal. And they were, you know, kid stories. And I think when I turned ten I started with fan fiction. Now, I call fan fiction my writing starter kit. I mean, everything’s there for you – the characters, the world, etc. – and all you have to do is write. I wrote fan fiction for the next three years; until one story led me to creating something of my own.
And…it was the worst thing to ever be written pretty much. It’s hidden deep within my desk now. I keep it so that I can remind myself how far I’ve come, because let me tell you, I was TERRIBLE. Like, I cry when I read it because if I don’t my eyes might bleed instead it’s so bad! And of course, once thirteen year old me realized it wasn’t that great (which was the understatement of the century), I gave up on writing my own stuff and switched back to fan fiction. Yeah, it was crummy when I was a kid, but I wrote some good fan fiction as a teenager. I feel like I was really getting good practice.
I tried multiple times to start up something of my own. I had one random story about some girl in the 1800s which I haven’t looked at in ages, but it’s probably cringy. There are a few others too, some of them Sci-Fi, some Fantasy. But I can tell you right now they were no good. So I kept going back to fan fiction. Why was it that I could write golden when I was using someone else’s ideas?
In 2018, my sister, who you all know as Spider-man lover, requested that I write a story for her. To set the scene, we were on the Final Fantasy 15 hype train, and we were all really loving the medieval but futuristic vibes. But my sister wanted straight medieval, and that happened to be the time period I had always wanted to write in. I wanted to write a fantasy, but surely I didn’t have the stuff. My sister wanted it though, and she was going to be the only one that read it, so it was worth a shot.
On May 14th, 2018, my favorite idea I’ve ever had was born. The main character I adore was created as I waited to watch my little brother perform in a recital. I remember standing there and creating this character, getting excited because for the first time in what seemed like ages, I was making something that was my own! And that night, I wrote the first paragraph.
I don’t remember how long it took my to write the seventeen chapter long book, but I remember that I finished it as a Sophomore in high school. And you want to know something?
It was trash. It was HORRIBLE. The writing style was increbibly childish. The characters were all flat. The story made no sense and was full of deep, dark plot holes. It even started off by telling the weather, which is pretty much one of the worst ways to start a book. But boy, was I excited, because I had just finished a book. And it was only meant to be for my sister, of course, but along the crazy train ride of writing it, she and my best friend (Christian Girl Writes! Go check her out!) ended up talking me into getting serious. So I agreed.
But…que crippling anxiety. My self esteem, unfortunately, took a nosedive in high school. Things got pretty bad for me pretty quick. From the first book I wrote, I wrote another, which was even worse. Probably because I stink at writing science fiction. I don’t know. But it was all garbage. So I began to hate my own writing. I didn’t think I was cut out to be a writer. Besides, all I had been doing my whole life was mess around with it, never committing to something of my own. I was a terrible writer.
But gosh dangit I wanted to write. I WANTED to be a published author. That’s what I wanted to be as a kid! But how many times did I stare at my work and want to delete it and never come back? But I knew if I did, I would only be back later, deeply regretting such a radical decision. So instead of quiting, I started a sequel to the book I started in 2018. And as you know, I wrote a book for NaNoWriMo 2019, which is another love of my life (and, in my opinion, it’s probably way better than my original “work of art”).
Anyway, here we are at the end of 2020. I won Camp NaNo April and Camp Nano July, writing, once again, trash. I was starting to panic since I had been going at it hard for the last three years and, while I have to admit I have improved drastically, I still hated it. I compare myself something awful. I wish I could write like my best friend, or just, really anyone who isn’t me.
Y’all, it’s been a long, hard road since my self esteem went downhill in high school. It’s been almost five years since then. I’m a freshman in college now, and I think I’m getting better. I have had to fight hard to boost my confidence and to not give up on my writing. This year I returned to my original work to go over it’s third draft. It’s pretty much unrecognizable now that it’s gotten a makeover. And…maybe I’m even starting to love it?
The simple truth is: I can’t write like anyone else. I can’t write like my best friend. There’s just some things beyond my abilites.
But that’s okay.
I can write like me, and that’s a start. With every day I write, with every piece of constructive critisism I get (and let me tell you, I get A LOT), I’m getting more and more skilled.
It was a big deal when I decided to post little short stories on here. I remember the day I posted The Card Dealer Part 1, I was shaking because I was so scared of what people might think of it. I was so overwhelmed by the positivety I got from y’all that it brought me to tears at times. You all really kept me going during that time when my confidence was at an all time low.
So instead of drifting into another dark hole where I feel like I’ll never add up as an author, I’m going to keep you guys updated on this writing journey.
And who knows. Maybe you’ll see a very special work of art on the shelf someday.